


And You Know How I Feel About That

by My_Trex_has_fleas



Series: Land and Sea [39]
Category: Return to Treasure Island (TV 1996)
Genre: F/M, IKEA, IKEA Furniture, Lots of it, M/M, Shopping, Swearing, babies on the horizon, injuries in the name of flatpack furniture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-13
Updated: 2018-06-13
Packaged: 2019-05-21 21:22:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14923076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/My_Trex_has_fleas/pseuds/My_Trex_has_fleas
Summary: There are babies coming and they have needs that can only be filled by a trip to Ikea. And you know how Ross feels about that.





	And You Know How I Feel About That

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Miss_Gemmie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miss_Gemmie/gifts).



> This is a birthday present for my wonderful friend Gemma, who I love and adore endlessly. Thank you for being such a rock in the past six months. I wouldn't have made it without you.

‘Why did I agree to this again.’ Ross glowered at a car coming up on their left.

‘Because he’s your best friend.’ Jim pointed out, still looking idly out the window. He was well used to the strop that came along with a trip to what Ross called Scandi Hell, grinning at the profanities muttered under his breath. ‘And you volunteered because that’s what good godfathers do.’

‘They’re not even due for another four months.’ Ross grumbled. ‘We could have done it later.’

‘I don’t think so.’ Jim gave him a sidelong look. ‘Babies need a fuckload of preparation.’

‘Jesus.’ Ross glared at the rearview mirror, the sensible people carrier that had replaced the BMW still behind them. ‘He’s practically domesticated.’

‘And he loves it.’ Jim slid a hand onto Ross’ thigh. He was endlessly amused by his husband’s trepidation in the face of not one Carter-Carne baby but two. ‘I should also point out that what Demelza wants, Demelza gets at this point.’

Ross nodded agreement and then brightened a little at the thought of the impending babies. They’d all been delighted when Demelza and Carter had announced that they were going to be parents. Even if it wasn’t for them, it was still something they were more than happy about.

‘Oh joy.’ Ross’ dark eyes were narrowed as they approached the multi-storey building on their left hand side. ‘We’re here.’

‘I don’t get why you hate it so much.’ JIm was actually looking forward to their field trip. He found the place oddly soothing.

‘It’s too fucking cheerful.’ Ross snorted. ‘Like the Teletubbies. I never trusted those fluorescent bastards either.’

That made Jim burst out laughing, unable to contain his mirth at the brewing bad temper next to him. In his defense, an irritable Ross was an adorable Ross.

They parked up on the top floor, Ross insisting that if he was being dragged metaphorically kicking and screaming to Ikea, he should at least get the consolation prize of being able to drive in endless circles up the ramp to the very top.

Carter pulled into the space across from them and Jim got out his side of the Land Rover, hands in his jeans pockets as he waited for Ross to do the same, still muttering. Carter came across with Brahim, one of the training camps new training officers. He was younger than them all by about ten years, still fresh faced and cocky, but he’d been adopted by their little circle because he was from Bradford and his family were far away.

‘Hiya.’ He came over and leaned on Jim’s shoulder. ‘I’m amazed you managed to get him to come.’ Ross’ hatred of all things Ikea was a topic he loved to expound on at length, even at work.

‘I may have bribed him.’ Jim snickered and watched as Ross came around the car, giving Carter a look that could have turned new milk.

‘You owe me.’ he hissed and Carter laughed and shoved him hard enough to send him into the back of the Landy. That brought more profanities and stomping in through the automatic doors ahead of them.

‘So what’s the POA?’ Brahim asked and Carter dug in his pockets and extracted four pieces of paper. Then he went over to the stands by the door and came back with two little pencils, handing one over to Jim with a broad smile.

‘I say we make it interesting.’ His black eyes sparkled madly and Ross immediately perked up.

‘How interesting?’ he asked.

‘First ones back here with all their items win.’ Carter declared. ‘Losers buy the meatballs.’

‘Done.’ Ross held out a hand and there was a bit of unnecessarily intimidating eye contact as they shook hands, clearly both trying to squeeze the life out of each other.

‘Are they always like that?’ Brahim whispered to Jim and he laughed.

‘You’re around them more than me, mate.’ he replied, pocketing his list and pencil. ‘Surely this has not escaped your notice?’

‘I thought it was a competitive work thing.’ Brahim was now eyeballing the duo as they argued over just how many meatballs the losers would be expected to buy.

‘No.’ Jim shook his head. ‘It’s a them thing.’ He tugged on Brahim’s sleeve. ‘Come on. If we leave quietly, they’ll never notice we’ve gone.’

Brahim gave him a brilliant smile and followed in his wake as they made their getaway, ducking into an avenue of room mockups to hide. Not one minute later Jim’s phone rang and Brahim raised one eyebrow at him.

‘Blazing Saddles?’ he asked and Jim just sniggered at his expression.

‘Trust me it suits him.’ he said and retrieved his phone. ‘Oh hi baby.’

‘You sneaky motherfucking cocksucker.’ Ross hissed. ‘I’ll get you for this.’

‘Best get your wallet out.’ Jim told him. ‘There’s a reason I didn’t have breakfast.’

‘I swear to God, I am never letting you touch my dick again.’ Ross snapped.

‘Yeah right.’ Jim laid the sarcasm on thick. ‘Like you can keep it in your pants, my little vixen.’ He gave Ross a mock growl over the phone.

‘Fuck you, James.’ Ross spat. ‘Just...fuck you and that traitor you’ve got with you. Tell him I’m making him run every fucking hill trail next week.’

‘Love you too.’ Jim trilled and hung up on him mid-rant, cackling as he put his phone on silent.

‘He’s so bloody dramatic.’ Brahim was laughing now as well.

‘Noticed that did you?’ Jim looked at his list. ‘Right, we need to find a couple of _Gonatts_.’

***********

‘I hate him.’ Ross glared at his phone. ‘I am going to divorce his arse as soon as we get home.’

‘Not before we beat them and claim our delicious and very savoury prize.’ Carter stated. ‘Now shut the fuck up and help me look for a…’ He peered at his list. ‘ _Busunge_?’

‘Fuck.’ Ross grumbled. ‘This is why I don’t come to fucking Ikea.’

He stomped off, Carter following a couple of paces behind and grumbling about Demelza’s handwriting.


End file.
